The
narcopath is a human virus – they enter your arena presenting themselves as a
mentor, a soulmate, a mirror, someone with answers and solutions to everything.
They charm, smooth talk and love bomb their way into your brain, under your
skin, into your heart, hook your very soul, and from there they silently and
secretly infect your whole being, your whole life with the most deadly human
virus of all: the disintegration into their nothingness.
That is what I think.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday was
the best day I've since implementing No Contact.
Well, my
version of No Contact at least. I can’t seem to figure out how to block someone
in gmail or stop someone from making new email addys so emails are still
sporadically coming in – I just don’t respond to them.
I had
invited my best friend through 25 years to dinner and drinks after he offered
to mow the lawn for me. A gigantic job I might add, he truly deserved dinner
after that.
Just relaxing,
talking, eating, drinking wine on the deck in the late afternoon sun was so
wonderful I don’t even have words for it.
I could
finally talk about it, and I talked about it to someone who listened, and listened with an empathetic
ear, mind and heart. There was no judgment, no telling me what I should do, just listening. With
a question here and there, encouraging me to fill in the blanks when my story
got scattered and jumpy.
After a
while I leaned into this warm feeling of safety that I always have with my best
friend.
A state of
complete trust. A trust that he never even once for as long as I’ve known him, betrayed.
My best
friend.
There’s
never been any kind of romantic vibes or undertones between us. Straight out friendship.
And one that I will never take for granted, because that friendship is the most
wonderful relationship I’ve got going in my life.
Sometimes these
relationships don’t get properly valued until it’s a full blown crisis in
someone’s life and they are the ones to slap on the raisin bag and step up to
the line with you.
These
relationships are few and far between. And I’m lucky enough to be part of one.
And as I was
talking, confiding, leaning into this safe warm trust I finally realized with
every cell in my body how shell shocked and battle fatigued I really am.
I just let
it wash over me, not fighting anything.
And when he
left a little past midnight, I felt almost brand new.
I was so tired, so unbelievably tired, but after
practically purging two years’ worth of crazymaking, gaslighting, push pull
action soaked with lies, cheating, and verbal abuse I slept like a baby.
There IS a
great life after the narcopath.
I just got
a very real taste of it, and know that more is to come.
I’m on the
fast track to recovery from the human virus.
Love
Melissa
Blue
No comments:
Post a Comment