Moving On - Love Addiction

Feeling good today. Strangely enough, because yesterday, after launching this blog and writing out my first post I felt like hell.

It was as if I’d peeled my skin off and bared every emotion I have for all the world to see. In short, I felt exposed, so vulnerable and incredible sad.

It was as if it really was the ending. I really have closed this book, not just turned the page as I apparently have done in the past.

I just sat there with the TV on until it was time to go to bed.

This morning came with a little bit of residue of yesterday and last night, but thankfully it disappeared pretty quick.

Maybe it disappeared in the few minutes of expressing my gratitude for all the things I’m actually lucky enough to have and experience every day.

Maybe it disappeared during my 15 minutes cord cutting meditation.

Maybe it was the 15 minute yoga sequence that wiped it off.

Or maybe it was all of the above combined that did the trick, I don’t really know, but I certainly intend to enjoy the freedom in feeling good.

I also decided to make a more distinct ‘after’ mark.

Nothing very big, just move the bed around in the bedroom, hang up new drapes, make a commitment to working out and healthy eating – stuff like that.

I just want to get the hell out of his head and back into mine, where I belong and why not do it in a way that makes me stronger and healthier from the inside out?

One thing is for sure: there will be no more searching for him online, not today, not in the future, not ever. I think the deal with these narcopaths is that we don’t as much fall in love with them as we get addicted to them. Love is a connection of the heart and soul, and that's impossible to achieve and feel with these people, it’s a level of intimacy they never get to/want to share with anyone. 

But they do hook us, and the love bombing in the adoration phase is greater and more intense than from any ‘normal’ person. It’s causing a huge release of feelgood hormones. To me that flood was like a high – and that spells addiction, not love.

Kicking it is as hard as it is with any other addiction, but it can be done…

Armed with this knowledge, I can see the light ahead!

I really can.

Love

Melissa Blue