Another Week In Chaos

Sometimes i think I’ll never get out, stuck for life.

I’m like a hamster in its wheel, running, running, running. And getting nowhere.

I’m there again, sweet-talked and guilt ridden back into abusive manipulative bondage, and I even know. I can predict every step of the cycle with 100% accuracy. Every time. And I still do it.

Where I am now got me thinking of this passage from The Psychopath Next Door ( I can’t remember exactly how it went, but it’s something like this):

“Psychopathy infects the full spectrum of humanity. It’s distributed in the population the same way as lefthandedness is. One would not notice a person as a left handed until they’re required to write, draw or catch a ball, one may not notice a psychopath until you see them do something that requires them to have a conscience. They know enough to fake concern when someone is sick. They know enough to fake human emotions and behavior to be accepted into society but they’ll never know what all the fuzz is about. The key ingredient in psychopathy is a lack of empathy. As a result they are neither truly human nor truly alive.”

Knowing this and I’m still looking for the human in the inhuman, still looking for the warmth in the freezing cold, still looking for love in an inner landscape that’s more barren than any place else on earth.

The only thing they have going for them is that other people can’t get their heads around the fact that someone so cold and stripped of empathy even exist.

I read that somewhere, and it's so true. That’s what I’m still thinking; he can’t be that bad?

And then I do something or say something he doesn’t like, or something happens that really do require him to have and show some degree of empathy. There’s nothing.

One day I’m going to make it. One day I’m getting out. One day I’m going to be able to implement No Contact! And one day it’s going to stick!

One Day!

Melissa Blue